Nickey, Fiona, Kerry, Hollie, Roddy and Alex, Jacqui and Robert, Angelina, Julie and Nick, Lucy B, Kerry and Amerjeet, Amerjeet, Diane and James, Jessica, Robert and Marilyn, and Tristan and Scott mention birth family
Have you decided to look for your birth family?
“She didn’t know who my father was, he was an American airman. But…And I’ve got two half sisters, who I’ve been in contact with…”
What do you think is the best way to explain birth families to adoptive children?
“ But, you know, then she says ‘Oh so you don’t like having babies in your tummy,’ And I’m going, ‘No…that’s not the reason why you came to live with me, it was because your…your…the two people that created you couldn’t actually look af”
How would you feel if your child wanted to see their birth family in the future?
“I would try not to be jealous, and try to be quite grown up about it, but, you know, I’m sure there will always be, there thinking ‘Oh, I hope she doesn’t love them more than me’.”
What happened when you spoke to the adoptive parents?
“Well, I thanked her for doing a job that I couldn’t do. She thanked me for giving her a child that she couldn’t have”
Have you decided to look for your birth family?
“I met my dad at about sixteen years of age. I lived with him for a while but I’d rather not see him anymore because he was so nasty to me”
Did you have any breakdowns in your adoption?
“at fifteen years of age I was running away, running away from my parents and also I found my birth family”
How would you feel if your child wanted to see their birth family in the future?
“They may or may not want to seek out the birth parents. Whether they do or not, you have to accept has got really no relevance, it doesn’t reflect on you or your parenting abilities… It is something they will feel the need to do, or not do, and so sup”
Does your child have contact with their birth family?
“And both sets they will have letterbox contact, which is classed as indirect contact, twice a year… with both, both grannies.”
Are you pleased you were adopted?
“the whole nature or nurture debate and, you know, would I have been different if I’d… if I’d have grown up in my, sort of, birth family, or even in care. You know, what makes you, who you are.”
Have you decided to look for your birth family?
“And I have real issues with having to write ‘unknown, adopted, unknown adopted’ on every piece.”
Is adoption what you expected it to be?
“And our adopted son sat there one afternoon and he just said ‘Dya know, it’s all about trust, isn’t it? This is all about trust and getting to know each other’. And we were just completely gob smacked by that…”
Does your child have contact with their birth family?
“...the interesting thing is it is a bit like marrying in to a family they are a bit like in-laws, you adopt and they are in-laws and so Christmas, Birthdays you contact each other and wish each other well ”
Has your adopted child started to question his/her identity?
“I didn’t want to adopt because I couldn’t have my own and I wanted to sort of wipe out their past, you know their past is very important to them and I wanted to enhance their lives as much as possible, so what better than more family rather than less”
How would you feel if your child wanted to see their birth family in the future?
“...if you’ve always been open with them they’ll always talk to you about it rather than have that worry that if they search for their birth parents that its going to upset you which a lot of people tend to do but yeah that’s part and parcel of adopt”
Have you decided to look for your birth family?
“...my wife said just wait a few more minutes and I got a little tetchy, a little bit edgy then and we were about to go and her car came down the street and pulled onto her drive and that was when I saw her and that was amazing”
Has your adopted child started to question his/her identity?
“Mum and dad, they’re the people that have looked after me. I’ve only grown up only knowing them as my mum and dad and my sister as my sister, so why should it… why should it be any different? I’ve got, got a good home. And… That’s all that mat”
Do you know why you were taken in to care?
“...he refused to allow her to go back unless she gave you up for adoption. Because he couldn’t deal with two children that weren’t his basically. ”
Why do some children continue to have contact with birth family after adoption?
“...it’s also important for children, a sense of their identity, particularly when they get to their teenage years, to have an understanding of their background and form a sense of identity”
Does your child have contact with their birth family?
“...it’s so helpful. It doesn’t in anyway detract from our relationship with the child. It adds to it. It is not a threat. It’s just, makes the child feel slightly more at one with the world. ”
Does your child have contact with their birth family?
“...they will naturally type in birth families details at some point and find them, so it is a worry now for us and I don’t really think it is so much of a worry as when they are eighteen…”